THE nation is gearing up to celebrate the 70 years the Queen has been on the throne.
No British monarch in history has ever managed such a long reign.
And of course, everyone is preparing to celebrate in their own way. The centre of London is full of the Household Cavalry and other troops rehearsing for the great occasion. Across the land, millions of people are preparing for street parties.
But it wouldn’t be 21st-century Britain without a bunch of killjoys trying to stop people having fun.
In the first century of her reign, the Queen presided over a proud country which had repeatedly seen off foreign invaders. Yet in the 2000s, we have been invaded by a little army of jobsworths.
On this occasion they are busy trying to make sure they make this week’s celebrations as “safe” as possible.
Read More on Jubilee
Because in recent years the army of clipboard carriers has become one of the biggest growth industries.
If you can’t do anything worthwhile yourself, you can always work to ensure you stop others doing things. That includes having fun.
In Portsmouth, the city council has written to party organisers telling them that hanging bunting could be a “safety hazard”.
Apparently, bunting in Portsmouth must be at least 18ft off the ground, be “of an easily breakable nature” and not under any circumstances be “strung from telegraph poles”.
Strange. People hung bunting across the land on VE Day in 1945 when our Queen stood on the balcony of Buckingham Palace with her parents and Winston Churchill.
But almost 80 years later the authorities have warned that strings of small flags could in fact be deadly to the British people.
It’s the same story in Bournemouth, where local officials have banned bunting for “safety reasons”.
While authorities in West Berkshire have said no bunting, flags, signs or banners must be displayed from lampposts because they could be broken by the weight of somebody on a stepladder putting them up.
Local officials are apparently also worried that someone could sue if there was an accident. Among other places, the Berkshire authorities’ rule runs in the town of Windsor.
How amazing to think that this nation has moved from being a people that built great castles like that in Windsor to a country where petty officials feel the need to send out “Jubilee packs on how to hold a street party”.
One official generously said the council has waived “the need for indemnity insurance” on street parties, meaning “any liability for a bunting-related incident would fall on the council”.
Gosh. I wonder how dangerous and commonplace these “bunting-related incidents” must be?
Perhaps they have killed thousands of people without us knowing it? Or perhaps, once again, we just have a slew of directives from boring, killjoy officials.
In Essex, one district council has fallen back on the excuse that recklessly arranged bunting could prevent bin collections. In Glasgow there is talk of a ban on boozing in the street.
The Scottish city’s authorities have said: “Any person who consumes alcoholic liquor in a designated place or is found to be in possession of an open container containing alcohol in a designated place shall be guilty of an offence.” Anyone caught drinking in the street could face a fine of £60.
On and on it goes. The fire service in Hereford and Worcester has warned that people should be careful in setting up tables along the middle of any road, and requested that street party tables are instead kept to the sides of the road. Who knew street parties could be so dangerous!
In some ways it is remarkable that any parties are going ahead at all, given the amount of red-tape people are meant to wade through just to have one.
Now senior politicians are urging local officials to be generous with people applying for last-minute party requests. They apparently fear the eruption of “illegal” street parties.
In most ways it is laughable, of course. The idea there will be secret gatherings in the middle of the streets with bunting and tea and booze. All at any moment risking bursting into flames and electrical sparks, with telegraph poles falling in every direction. But it also speaks to a culture which has sadly grown throughout the Queen’s reign.
Clogged down by rules
We used to be a proud nation, famous around the world for our bravery and derring-do. We didn’t boast about these things, but we nurtured a quiet pride in ourselves.
And that included a pride in not easily being told what to do. Scolds, killjoys and petty officials were a source of fun, not a feared force, issuing orders and spreading rules across the land.
But the bureaucrat army has grown endlessly in recent decades. In every walk of life they have been able to impose themselves. They make a living trying to make sure that everyone is as “safe” as possible.
Everything always in the name of the public safety. But in the process they try to turn us into something we have never been: A country of people clogged down by petty rules.
Read More on The Celeb Report
I hope everyone has a wonderful Jubilee. And remembers that, more than anything, our country — and our Queen’s reign — has not been marked by being petty.
It has been marked by being remarkable and great. We’ve survived a lot in our history. I think we can survive this happy, historic celebration.
