WHO foots the £12million bill for settling Prince Andrew’s sordid sex case before it could ever get to court?
This we can say for certain — not Andrew alone!
More likely the Queen, Prince Charles and the endlessly generous British taxpayer will have a whipround for the Andy formerly known as Randy.
It sickens the spirit that anyone but the jowly old wretch himself should pay a penny to make the case go away.
But the brutal truth is that Andrew’s dissolute life has run up bills that can never be covered by a Naval officer’s modest pension, nor the generous £250,000 a year the Queen gives Andrew — 61 yesterday — for his pocket money.
No wonder, then, that two little words suddenly swirling around the national debate are “Sovereign Grant”. The Sovereign Grant is the £86million a year the taxpayer forks out to keep the Royal Family running.
And when you look at the Queen’s 70 years of service, that is a bargain — especially when you consider that other great British institution, the BBC, costs £4BILLION a year.
But when the other members of the Royal Family are mired in seemingly never-ending scandal, sleaze and shame, the Sovereign Grant suddenly becomes a burning issue.
The Queen is worth every last penny of the Sovereign Grant.
But what about the rest of them?
On the eve of her Platinum Jubilee, the Queen deserves better than the endless ugly headlines generated by her wayward family. This should be a time of great happiness and pride for the Queen, even if it is tinged with grief at the loss of her beloved Philip.
Queen never more frail
But no sooner has one scandal ended — Prince Andrew handing £12million of somebody else’s money to a woman he claims he can’t recall ever meeting — than another one begins, the latest dragging Prince Charles into a grubby cash-for-honours investigation.
Scotland Yard has announced an enquiry into how a Saudi billionaire became a UK citizen and landed a CBE after donating £1.5million to the Prince’s Foundation. It’s a complete mystery. When does it end? It doesn’t — Prince Harry has got his crayons out and is busy scrawling his “heartfelt” memoirs for publication late this year. Even the corgis are running for cover.
Meanwhile, Virginia Giuffre, Prince Andrew’s accuser, plans her own “tell-all” book. And what is most heartbreaking of all, the Queen has never looked more frail than she did this week.
“I’m here,” she smiled at an official reception for military chiefs. “As you see, I can’t move.”
It was stated with the usual quiet courage, unfussy stoicism and gentle sense of humour that we have known for all of our lives.
But this glorious Queen is 95 years old.
And you can’t help wonder — what will the Royal Family be without her?
Because it is not the institution of hereditary monarchy that is loved and respected and admired in this country.
It is the Queen.
Our feelings for Her Majesty disguise a volcanic unrest. Too many of the royals are arrogant, entitled and tone deaf.
Andrew’s statement that he now wants to “support the fight against the evils of sex trafficking” was jaw-dropping in its rank stupidity.
What expensive lawyer thought that offensive garbage was a great idea?
A perfect storm seems set to engulf to the institution of monarchy, and it is comprised of the sordid aftertaste of Andrew’s misadventures, the excruciating banalities of thicko Harry and his bitter B-list actress, and the lingering doubts around the man who would be King Charles III.
Whining woke clichés
It is often said that Camilla is a divisive figure. But Prince Charles is far more divisive.
For all his good works — and they are many — King Charles III will never command the unconditional love that his mother does.
Her Majesty is like Tito ruling over the old Yugoslavia, holding the factions together with her presence.
But when she goes — who knows?
It could all start coming apart. Even if Charles emerges unscathed in this cash-for- honours scrape, and even if the public embrace Queen Camilla, the optics of having an elderly king ascending to the throne can only weaken the monarchy.
The one brilliant move that would save the monarchy would be skipping a generation — if the reign of Queen Elizabeth II was not followed by King Charles III, but by King William V.
William and Catherine increasingly inspire the same love and respect as the Queen.
While Harry and Meghan sit whining woke clichés in their Californian organic chicken coop, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are growing into their historic roles. Kate is becoming a true national treasure.
Only King William V and Queen Catherine can save the monarchy. I don’t think anything else will.
Lily’s top TV turn
I HAD lunch at Bafta this week with some heavy hitters in the film and TV industry.
And as we tucked into our fish and chips and sausage and mash – the menu at the home of British film and TV is proudly working class – the conversation inevitably turned to what was good on the big and small screen.
Benedict Cumberbatch in The Power Of The Dog. Olivia Colman in The Lost Daughter. Stephen Graham in Boiling Point.
But none of my companions cited the stand-out performance of the year – Lily James as Pamela Anderson in Disney’s Pam & Tommy.
Because none of them – these Bafta-winning movie buffs who spend their lives making film and TV – had even seen it.
Much has been written about Lily James’s astounding turn as the Baywatch babe on subscription channel Disney Plus.
But after all those blank faces at Bafta, I am starting to suspect that I am the only person who has actually watched it.
