MICHELLE Heaton has apologised for not visiting Nikki Grahame in her final days calling herself “a coward”.
The girls had been close friends for more than a decade and Michelle laid her heartbreak bare at losing the Big Brother star in an emotional post on her Instagram telling her “I’m so sorry I didn’t come”.
Sharing a photograph of her and Nikki having fun on the red carpet at the Vodafone Live Music Award in 2007, Michelle paid tribute to the reality TV icon who lost her life in a battle with anorexia.
“I was scared to see you .. to say anything that may be a trigger to loose you..(sic) I was a coward and I’m so sorry,” she explained.
“I just listened to our voices notes, our messages, and the phone calls over the last few weeks ..I think I knew, and I was too weak to know.”
Referencing her recent family battle with coronavirus after her entire family were struck down a month after she had her first Pfizer jab, she continued: “Your last one, telling us you saw me on @lorraine & wished us all better and to call you.
“YOU thought of us even when on that day you were where you were! Most my ‘so called friends’ didn’t even contact us.”
The girls became besties after Nikki emerged as an overnight star from her legendary appearance on the seventh series of the reality television show Big Brother in 2006.
Michelle who shot to fame also on a television music reality show – Popstars in 2000, joining band Liberty X – and Nikki hit it off and were a popular duo on the red carpet circuit back in the showbiz heyday of the noughties and early part of The Tens.
Poking fun at their shared journey to instant fame, Michelle, from Newcastle, wrote of their love of dressing up and making the most of the champers on offer and free hospitality – especially a goody bag haul.
She added: “Nikki, I have so many memories, most I can’t not repeat 
“The holidays, the events, Ireland
Marbella 
“I just came across this one. Think it was the world music awards.. we went as a couple lol! (Coz we were not as famous as the others to get plus 1’s 
) hand on hip! wayyy to much fake tan.. pale lips thinking we look amazing.
“Held our breath every time we had a picture coz we wanted to “look good” 
then landed in the press comparing us to trash .. as they do!”But we didn’t care!
“Coz there was a FREE bar!
“Mini fish and chips going around! Smoked salmon on soggy crisp bread with crusty bits of wasabi (first time either of us had had smoked salmon)”Michael Jackson was on stage and we just went looking for the goody bags under every ones chair 
”
The 41-year-old mother of two, who is married to Hugh Hanley, spoke out at trolls on social media for making hurtful comments in the wake of Nikki’s death.
Michelle continued: “I hate how I have to do this publicly.. coz apparently if you don’t show respect on Instagram you don’t really care.
“So yes, call me a hypocrite right now for posting this.
“But we live in a world where unfortunately if you don’t pay respects publicly then ‘clearly you really were not her friend.’
“Some of the ‘respects’ I wanna call bull s**t! (You know who u r and I hope u have fun with your 5 mins of fame online… give yourselves a pat on the back).
“But the real ones.. if it wasn’t for @imogen_thomas over the last few weeks, well, I adore u… #thatisall 
@nicolamclean30
u #carly xxxxxx 
needs no words.
“For the people who laughed, labelled, disregarded her coz ‘they’ knew what she needed like ‘eat a sandwich.’ 
… are probably the same ones being praised with their wonderful public posts Feel better guys? 
”
