TRANSFORMERS: RISE OF THE BEASTS
(12A) 127mins
★★★☆☆
OUR fears about the machines taking over are nothing new.
And Transformers has been built around that disturbing thought for 16 years.
Transformers is built around the disturbing thought of the machines taking over
And the script of the seventh instalment of the movie series feels like an artificial intelligence trained on action blockbusters spewed it out
Watching the seventh instalment of the movie series, I did start to wonder if artificial intelligence had spewed out the script.
You’d only need to feed a few action blockbusters into a computer algorithm to come up with the idea of aliens seeking a powerful key on Earth that will allow them to rule the universe.
If I was a megalomaniac from outer space, I’d first look to our planet for hidden treasures. They are always among humans.
In Rise Of The Beasts, it is an archaeology intern called Elena Wallace (Dominique Fishback) who inadvertently finds the long-lost Transwarp Key.
That attracts the attention of killer extraterrestrial machine Scourge, who is doing the bidding of the planet-destroying Unicron, and the goodie robots in disguise, led by Optimus Prime.
Both want the key for different reasons and are ready to knock huge chunks of metal out of each other to get it.
The main character in the film is down-on-his-luck ex-military man Noah Diaz (Anthony Ramos) who finds himself caught up in the quest for the intergalactic device.
Noah’s backstory could also have been generated by AI. He’s a misunderstood hero doing everything he can to save his seriously ill younger brother.
Fortunately, there are enough fresh angles to suggest human input into this massive production.
Mirage, voiced by Pete Davidson, is a fun Porsche Carrera, able to create mirages of itself.
There are also a couple of decent self-referential jokes during this film set in 1994, including one about Mark Wahlberg who appeared earlier in the franchise.
And we are introduced to the half-robot beasts of the title, who have been protecting the Transwarp key.
Having appeared at the start, the beasts don’t return until close to the final battle.
It’s enough to prevent this long-running series feeling painfully rusty.
A thumping hip-hop soundtrack and cinema-shaking explosions also kept me awake.
Transformers is sure to achieve its key role of entertaining your kids.
How much is down to computers or the human touch perhaps doesn’t matter that much.
CHEVALIER
(12A) 107mins
★★☆☆☆
PERIOD dramas need little to win us over.
Drawn in by costumes, seduced by absurdly attractive leads and captivated by a simpler time, we lap them up like free champagne at an aristocrat’s garden party.
Chevalier is a period drama about the life of Joseph Bologne – but unlike his swordsmanship, the film never quite hits the mark
The true story of Joseph Bologne (Kelvin Harrison Jr), fencing prodigy, musical genius and Queen’s protégé, has plenty to work with.
His unstoppable rise from illegitimate child to major player and womaniser in Parisian high society should be unmissable viewing.
Yet unlike his swordsmanship, it never quite hits the mark.
A dangerous affair, a touching reunion and tragic death enhance the epic battle to become Maestro of the Paris Opera.
The Marquis de Montalembert (Marton Csokas) is a fine villain, while his wife (Samara Weaving) offers depth and intrigue.
The entire tale gets crammed into 107 minutes, with the curtain tumbling down as everything finally boils over.
One for die-hard fans of the genre, this muddled-accented meander does little to convert others.
It simply can’t capitalise on the drama. Period.
LOVE WITHOUT WALLS
(15) 112mins
★★☆☆☆
IMAGINE an EastEnders storyline involving two characters that drags on for years, then cram it into just under two hours.
That’s what you are letting yourself in for here.
If you watch Love Without Walls, you’re letting yourself in for an EastEnders storyline involving two characters dragging on for years – crammed into just under two hours
In this attempt at gritty British romance, struggling Irish singer-songwriter Paul (Niall McNamee) and his photography student wife Sophie (Shana Swash) plummet to very hard times.
Among the turmoil is theft, more theft, debt, a lot more debt, homelessness and a dramatic end that I won’t spoil.
To balance out the downbeat storyline, Paul and Sophie are a likeable, upbeat couple.
But there were times I wished they were a bit less chipper.
They say things like “come into my arms, you bundle of charms” even when fate has delivered yet another massive wallop.
A spot more emotion from the leads as they go from a comfortable London flat to the Southend streets would have livened up events.
Cameos from Only Fools And Horses star Paul Barber and Rise Of The Footsoldier’s Ricci Harnett add some bite.
But they are adornments in a well-intentioned melodrama that lacks concrete foundations.
