VICKY Pattison opened up about her struggle with alcohol and said she was “scared” to have kids who felt “broken” like her.
The former Geordie Shore star, 34, has been working with Channel 4 on a documentary about her father, who is an alcoholic and her own relationship with alcohol.
Vicky Pattison said she was ‘scared’ her kids would be alcoholics like her dad
The star was afraid of history repeating itself
Vicky – who admitted to having an “addictive personality” – said she was afraid of history repeating itself.
The Newcastle star told Sky’s Beth Rigby: “He’s [Dad] doing well, that’s all we can hope for, everyday is a challenge, he’s winning his battle at the moment.”
Beth replied: “That’s really good to know as the documentary is all about his relationship with alcohol, your relationship with him and his difficulties.
“His 30 year battle trying to stop drinking and failing and succeeding at different points.
“The thing that comes out of it, is this fear that you have that you’re going to become your dad.”
Vicky explained that she was unable to live a “balanced” life and was often self-sabotaging.
The media personality explained: “I always worried because I’m like him in a lot of ways and I was aware that I had an addictive personality.
“I do everything to extremes. If I’m going to go to the gym, I’m going to go five times a week.
“If I’m going to party, I want to be the last one standing, there was never any balance.
“So I convinced myself it was a forgone conclusion that I was going to end up like my dad and it led us down some real self sabotaging paths at times.”
Speaking about her fears around having children, Vicky said: “I was also just really scared that I was going to have children who felt in some way broken like me.
“But the documentary has brought us a lot of peace and clarity.”
The star went on onto say that she was worried alcoholism would be “genetic” and leave her future children “powerless” and “out of control”.
“My main motivation for making this documentary was that I had a strong belief that there was a huge element of alcoholism that was completely genetic,” Vicky continued.
“That because my dad had it in him, I was just going to have it in me and I truly believed my kids would have it too and I didn’t want them to feel different to everyone else, to feel out of control, to feel powerless to stop something.
“Like their life was only going to be one way – It was going to be hard and sad and they were going to hurt people they loved.
“So that’s a huge reason why I haven’t had children yet.
“But now I am in a really good place with a nice man and I’ve done this documentary and learnt loads about this illness.
“I understand there is an element of it that is learnt behaviour and potentially hereditary but more than that I know we have choices as well.”
In May, Vicky watched the first rough cut of the show, and explained how it left her “speechless”
She shared a selfie and wrote a long and heartfelt caption about the upcoming release.
She said: “It’s not often I’m rendered speechless.
“But after watching the first cut of my new documentary with channel 4 today… That’s honestly what I am.”
The star spoke about her father’s battle with alcohol abuse: “My dad’s illness & my own complicated relationship with alcohol is something that has had a profound affect on who I am as a person.
“At times, when I wasn’t in the best place- when I was abusing alcohol & depending on it I would lie awake at night wondering if this was just it- the start of that slippery slope.
“And in my darkest moments, I truly believed that it was just a forgone conclusion- that no matter how hard I tried to be something different, something more or something better… “
She concluded: “I hope this documentary helps anyone struggling and I really can’t wait for you all to see it.
“Vicky Pattison: alcohol, my dad and me… Coming this summer to @channel4.”
She didn’t want her future children to feel ‘powerless’ and ‘out of control’
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