VICKY Pattison broke down in tears as she reflected on “sacrificing respect for attention” during her time on Geordie Shore.
The former reality star, 34, has gone on to become a social media sensation since quitting the raucous MTV show in 2014, racking up 5million followers.
She has also been crowned Queen of the Jungle on I’m A Celebrity, reached the MasterChef final and launched a successful podcast.
But some memories from her early days of fame still appear to sit heavily in her heart.
Speaking on Heart’s new digital series No Filter, she said: “I think if I went back and gave myself any advice I would predominantly give her a hug. And I would tell her that things would get better. [Begins to cry]
“I’m sorry….I’d say things get better, I’d advise never to sacrifice respect for attention, if I would have listened to that advice from my future self I would have made my life a lot easier, I’ll tell you that for now [laughs].
“It’s so difficult to just love yourself unconditionally. In fact we are completely conditioned not to. When we’re unhappy and we don’t like what we see, we’re like a marketers dream aren’t we. So anyone who is struggling just needs to remember that. That all those things think you hate about the self, they’re not there, they’re not true.”
Vicky first found fame in 2011 as a carefree 22-year-old, but after a while the relentless wild partying, blistering rows and sex on camera weren’t what she wanted.
“When I first went on the show I was very young and very impressionable, and it was a whole show centred around drinking, having a good time and kissing people you probably shouldn’t,” she explained.
“When you’re in your early 20s all of that stuff’s okay, isn’t it? It’s kind of what you’re doing.
“But as I got a little bit older I started to desire different things and the pressure got to me and I coped with it by becoming this caricature of myself. This person I thought everyone wanted me to be, like very loud and opinionated and sassy and strong, and actually nobody is like that all the time and it was really draining.”
Vicky sought therapy after the pressure impacted her mental health and she said she has come on leaps and bounds since her lowest ebb.
However, she recently stepped back from social media to avoid toxic troll comments that left her feeling like she “couldn’t win”.
New episodes of Heart’s ‘No Filter’ series is available Fridays on Global Player
